Getting There Review
This movie answers many mysteries of this world and sets a few genius facts right on the stone of eternal knowledge! Did you know that when you reach 16 you become a retard? Or if you make a road-trip in America, you can only meet nice people and even millionaires who will not abuse your anal hole but help you by lending their private airplane? Life sure is great for the Olsen's and their friends.
It never seizes to amaze me how retarded these Olsen sisters are. Let us take for example the drivers test they have at the beginning of the movie. Oh and their names are Kylie and Taylor. So anyway, the driving of the sisters shows us their extremely different personalities as one is driving very fast and one very slow. Needles to say that they both terribly suck at driving and it is shown very well. But nevertheless, it's the Olsen lesbians we are talking about here - so yeah, they get their driver licence. Guess the "real" story can now start and instantly I have a sudden urge of brutal vomiting while also pushing out liquid brownies.
Time for Kylie's and Taylor's birthday. They live in a huge mansion with a very big pool and soon we also see a big birthday cake. Unexpectedly, a brilliant character jumps in the pool and wets the whole cake. Who is this genius? This ape who never learned the basics of human communication? His nickname is:
TOAST
Very cool, funny and ugly at the same time, Toast has it all. Also interesting are his eating skills which are supposed to be some sort of funny characteristic as we see him stuffing himself constantly with food. He should also be stuffed with barbed wire. But deep inside, Toast is very sad, because no one remembers his real name, which is Joshua. Very sad indeed, made me run crying to the toilet again. But back now to the birthday, Olsen's get their present! A brand new car! Perfect example of stupid parents - I mean who in his right mind would give Olsen's a car? What they need is a visit from Billy "Anal Crack" Smasher, but unfortunately I think he's in prison helping people pick up their soap. Who are the other characters in need of drilling? Here I go:
1) Lyndi - uhm ok, what's the point of this character? Okay I admit there's no point in anyone, but this no-brain weasel face makes absolutely no sense. She manages to break her leg and still get inside some stud pants! That guy is:
2) Danny - the smart guy of the group and also Toast molester. He's the one who made Toast jump into the pool at the birthday and he also nicknamed Joshua as Toast. So slowly we are led to believe there will be some sort of conflict between the 2 but all we get is more neanderthal yelling. These guys work as stunt doubles for zoo monkeys in their spare time, believe me.
3) Jenn - oldest looking of the female bunch (also the biggest milkies!!!) and supposedly the most mature. She is destined to become the love of Toast's life. Nothing really interesting, mostly dirty turd bombs with tiny pieces of grapes.
4) Sam - last of the 3 mentally handicapped teenage studs, this guy is atrocious. From that ass face to the abominable hair, a pure smelly undeveloped fetus he sure is. Oh he also desperately tries to get into Kylie's lower region but ends up with ferocious right hand action, and that's far more than he deserves.
5) Charlie - poor Olsen's luck savior is this country slut. YES! She is a millionaires daughter playing synthesizer in some redneck bar just for the fun of it. Soon, she's part of the gang and that makes me jealous because I also want to hang out with Olsen's - they have the wildest parties!!!
Oh did I mention parties? Melting marsh mellows is a real party monster, right next to the extremely wild playing of chess. Ah but the best part are the CANNONBALL GAMES! Morons jumping into the water and other idiots giving a score. Now this turned out to be very tricky indeed, because the crowd favorite Toast didn't win! It was Charlie! Absolutely shocking and mind warping. Well almost like Taylor's unexpected encounter with a professional skier on whose pictures she masturbates. Some guy called Alex Reisher. Wow who would expect Taylor to ski together with him. Is it destiny? More like chewed peanuts in a jar full of badger pee. And when I thought the world ended a miracle happened:
Seems like there was a hidden Lorenzo fan on the set. Maybe the director, because his talent bursts out in the action scenes here - wild and fast running in the airport, snowboarding with the now expected neanderthal sounds and many other fast paced scenes on snow. Made me think this is actually an action movie but then I saw the Olsen's with those wide fake smiles and soon my pants were full of droppings. Oh are you sad this is the end of this review? Yeah, me too. TOASTED!
