Hood of the Living Dead Review
After the crappy opening credits, which were probably the most expensive thing to be done for this movie, main character Rick wakes up from a nightmare, only to make a face like he soiled his pants and say f-u-c-K. With that being the first word said in this movie (ignoring anything from the opening "feces style" rap song) I knew a rough ride was ahead of me so I immediately brought in an extra pair of toilet paper, vomit cans, condoms, a few cats, a mouse, and got naked. Ooops.
Anyway's, Rick is the older brother of scum bag Jermaine. Their parents died some time ago so Rick is taking care of his bro and they seem to have problems but actually love each other and who knows what they do once someone gets extremely horny. And yeah - we see Jermaine producing shit. Rick is an educated guy that wants to move out of Oakland, leaving all those drug dealers and gangsters behind. But that's going to happen in a month, since he's still gay and working with Scott on a cell regeneration formula. Yes - in Oakland. And THE LAB... well my toilet looks more like a lab. Very soon, Jermaine is shot by 3 hood gangsta's and Rick decides to use the formula to bring him back to life. Guess what? Jermaine will turn into a HOOD zombie and anyone he bites gets infected. Jermaine is definitely the best zombie in the movie since he makes the stupidest faces I have ever seen. Okay, not as bad as Rick. This guy just can't act. CAN'T. His crying over his dead brother made me piss myself without even noticing. Yeah, the consequences of this movie can be brutal. Or what about the monumental Rick going to work 2 minute extravaganza?! Well here it is:
1.) Rap music. A sleeping cute cat later to become angry latino zombie snack is shown. Now starts the very interesting action sequence - Rick pouring milk. Yes, take it out, pour it, take it to the cat, put it back in the fridge. The greatness of how pointless this is, makes me happy. Lasts about 30 seconds.
2.) Rick takes a candy bar and munches on it a little. Gets dressed up, slowly, and opens the door. Finally he gets to the car, and sets off for work. Mindless since it also lasts about 30 seconds.
3.) Rick is driving to work. One whole minute of pure rap genitalia music and Rick zoomed in like someone actually thinks he's worth looking at. Absolutely nothing going on! Excellent stuff.
Yes Rick definitely steals the show. He shines like crap in a bag full of diamonds. And the great thing is he's (actors name: Carl Washington) not afraid to show his complete failure as an actor. Be it tears or fear, Rick will look like someone is shoving hammers up his ass. But let's not throw the others away. Jermaine's HOMOS or homies or dick-weeds, Marco and Kevin, are also quite there in terms of sewer malfunction. Also worthy of mention is Rick's and Scott's boss Richards who is supposed to be very smart and able to pull the strings in bad situations like this. So he calls a guy named Romero who is an ex-military pro assassin. Well, Romero fails at the first chance he gets. Very good. Hmmm who would expect hood zombies acting like someone put dynamite in their asses? I would personally soil someone else's underwear if I saw a hood zombie. Just like a stupid couple having discussion about crime activity in Oakland. It sucks, it's annoying - it's brilliant. A hood zombie scares them making them crap in their pants.
Just noticed half of this movie happens inside some car or in Rick's house. And why is everyone convinced Jermaine will definitely show up in Rick's house? Because they can ask the same question each other later on. Once Scott asks Rick, once Richards asks Scott and etc. Great just like the film makers treat the viewers like complete and utter idiots. The plot is explained throughout the movie at least 20 times. Each time with different style but best ones are from Rick since he's the retard king. Oh, I almost forgot to say how smart these hood zombies are. They can close and open doors, run like on the olympics and well - simply sneak around without a point. Hood zombies are da shite.
Got to love how the ending just "happens". Pure crap. Rick shoots Jermaine in the heart, since that's the only way these hood zombies can be killed, and then again starts crying like a sissy. And few secs later we see another hidden hood zombie kill a random hood basketball fan. Very interesting. Oh well rock on zombies from the hood! Damn that barking and howling, how do they do it? Anyway, this a pure shit festival that can be very funny and very boring - an all around mix of crap that you just got to love. Straight from DA HOOD!!!
