Hostile Takedown Review

I must admit, crap was expected but this provided such sweetness that still my buttocks shiver in delight! As the movie starts with the main character Alex, walking around a graveyard in slow motion with booze in his hand, followed by sentimental combination of a piano and some sort of farting effect, we know already this will be a masterpiece. So let me enjoy analyzing it with the cost of my intestines and maybe even balls.

First 20 minutes deal with Alex's tragic past. It is all about him and his partner Dennis, who likes dealing with scum bags by blowing their brains out. Well yeah, the guy obviously loves his gun, although the sound effects strangely don't sound anywhere near a gun shot (very hard to describe). Very soon we see the guys chasing some extremely fat kid, and soon Dennis pops him out. Now the problem is that Alex is of high moral standards and doesn't like all these killings. Yup, you guessed it, he's a complete sissy boy! Oh yeah and he has a stupid whore of a wife that is pregnant. I know we wouldn't give a 2 shit about it but it's important because we experience a fine dialogue between them. The goodness lies in the sound. You see, as they talk and move a bit on a leather couch, we here the couch sounds more than their voices, and that is absolutely fascinating. Parts of their chit chat, which we can actually hear, are insanely moronic, dealing with moral dilemmas and other deep philosophy. It hurt me.

Suddenly, a bar with groovy crap rap music, and Dennis is explaining to Alex why he acts like that, by means of a shocking black and white flashback. He sure was a chubby little bastard back then. Anyway some bad guy blew his mothers head without reason and looky now, he's a nut cracker. Soon the partners go to bust up some dope dealing "motha-fucka" when suddenly Alex gets a call that his wife is giving birth. Holy squirrel nuts! But Dennis makes him finish the action before going to the hospital, and guess what? Shit happens, Dennis ends up dead. Wow, what a shocking story of the past. Enough of this smelliness, time for the present ass wiping ACTION!!!!

Believe me, you don't want to end up as an ex-cop, cause you will probably work as a janitor and clean insane amounts of poo! Poor Alex, his partner died, wife left him but still gives him shit, young daughter is a retard and he gets fired for no apparent reason. Man is a loser, but off course, this movie will make him an action star hero. Bad guys take over a shopping mall, their leader awesomely named Thirsty. This fellah is one bad "motha-fucka", very sharp, and has a splendid necklace. Now although all his henchmen have nice guns, they will all eventually be beaten down by fatty Alex by means that no sane person can comprehend. Yes, the action scenes are that good and sometimes even better. Slow-motion-fist-throwing-bad-montaged-sound extravaganza! You can off course witness a little of these achievements by yourself, by watching the nifty clip I provided.

Let us not forget the awesome henchman ENFORCER !!! A walking muscle machine. Don't try to understand how Alex beat the guy, cause you will end up drowning in your own poo while trying to molest a paper roll. And what's with the gay-fag-in-pink hostage? Oh well...

The above picture excellently explains how good and enjoyable this movie is. Brilliant and absolutely amazing action masterpiece! Don't believe me? Well then, let me call Enforcer so he can tear your ass apart.