Boa vs Python Review

This has nothing to do with movie Boa(thank god) and stands alone as a bad flick filled with goodies. The story is stupid, actors terrible and the effects suck. What more could you ask for? More snake action? Yep if there actually was a concrete battle the movie would get a higher score without doubt.

So here we have the bad guy Broddick who imports a huge Python so he can organize a hunt for some rich morons (about them later). Off course the Python escapes in a very naive stupid way and starts killing people. Here steps in agent Sharpe (and boy is he sharp) with his insane lines which I find very amusing (check out the sounds I provided) and decides to use a genetically bred Boa to locate the Python. At this point we are introduced to the 2 main characters them being Monica(this actress also stars in Darkwolf) and Emmet. Monica developed this crappy monitoring device which they attach to Boa's head. Interesting that this 10 million dollars worth gadget works almost never during the movie - no point of it's existence. Emmet is a snake expert and has been taking care of Boa up till now.

Now more on the characters starting with Broddick. This guy is a "cool" and "tough" moron constantly smoking cigars. Just the way I like it. You'll see once he goes berserk with his flamethrower. And we even see his muscled up chest for 2 times during the movie. He also is very "smart". What do I mean by that? Let's take this for an example: he's arrested but not handcuffed, ignored, he takes a tank in the military base and his flamethrower and goes away. Only a genius could achieve such Bond style trickery. There was no sarcasm in these sentences. Not at all?

Broddick's girlfriend is Eve and as her name suggests her only importance to this movie is to be seen naked taking a bath with lots of soap. On the other hand Monica is seen in a swimsuit and is extremely stupid. That's what you get for being able to stay underwater for so long. And also for being in Darkwolf. Emmet? Blah nothing special. Not enough stupidity and stupid expressions for my taste. A worse actor would have been better for this role. But that's why we have agent Sharpe to fill this good guys gap. From killer lines to Tommy Lee Jones "Fugitive" style fast giving of orders, Sharpe is badly good.

But who is best? I couldn't choose just one character (although Broddick was really close) since we are introduced to an interesting bunch... yep... THE HUNTING TEAM!!!! Excluding Eve and Broddick we have Littlefield - the master huntsman who is actually a master sucker, Danner and his son James - both retards but son is extra retarded and a chicken, Foley - militaries greatest sucker oops sniper and finally Tex - portrayed by actor Harry Anichkin who also plays the bad guy in Shark Attack 3 (enough said). Impressive team of bad actors trying to hunt down a snake. I was pleased.

What about the snakes? The effects obviously suck (yet again too much CGI) and the biggest problem is the battle that happens just at the end. I mean it's too short and you can't see much. That's the major low point of the movie since everything else is pretty much stupid and entertaining. Although one of the good points is the size of the snakes which varies depending on the size of space they are in or on the size of their prey. Oh yes this motivates me to drink. Hmmm did I maybe forget to mention that this movie offers us a short scene of a snake giving a girl oral pleasure? I'm ashamed.

Throughout the movie there are even more hidden gems of absurdly stupid brilliance so I really do recommend it. More fun than most snake movies out there. If you by any chance have bad taste and liked Boa just like me then this one won't disappoint since it's even better. In fact it's as good as this joke I made up: "What's the size of a Boa's head?" - "A limo?" - "No! It's prehistoric!?!" Damn I'm bad like Broddick. Or maybe worse? Oh god.