Tomb of the Werewolf Review

It takes less than a minute until the first bare breasts are shown. Here the endlessly horny Elizabeth is introduced, as she has an innocent girl tied and ready for a sacrifice. Naturally this girl enjoys some kissing and rubbing with Elizabeth which is completely normal if you know your going to die very soon. Then she summons Lucifer (a guy with an earring mind you) who gives her eternal life if she bathes in blood every once in a while. After we see Liz enjoying some red cocktail forth comes mindless fire and explosions followed by the movie title. Already a winner.

The story takes us to present day. A segment of a mystery tv show with Melanie as it's host is seen. Her boyfriend Tony is the shows producer. Well it ain't pass 10 minutes and these two horny rabbits are doing the nasty. What I love about Tony are his stupid faces. Excellent. Very soon the basics for the actual plot are revealed. Imagine this. You inherit a big old house in Europe and receive a book of the family's history. In there a treasure is mentioned. Now what will you do to find out if that treasure really exists? Bring with yourself a crappy horny mystery show crew and a psychic off course. That's exactly what Richard does as he probably knew these ladies were all into lesbianism. Before I go describing the crew I must go back to the part when Mel is reading a part from the book. A very tragic story about Waldemar Daninsky (Richard's ancestor) whose beloved wife got caught by the plague. Elizabeth finds Wald in his desperation and offers him a cure but the price is that he must be willing to do anything for it. First he must kiss Liz (it naturally makes a wooden cross explode like an atomic bomb). Now comes the unpredictable part. As Wald visits his sick wife, he suddenly turns into the WEREWOLF!!! Best costume I've seen recently for sure. He kills his wife and starts roaming the country. What the?! And I thought Elizabeth's only goal was to bathe in blood. She obviously also likes to turn people into werewolves for some unknown reason. Later on we find out Wald was hunted down and stabbed by a big silver cross. Okay back to the present. Interesting how according to this movie, people in Europe still dress like it's the 16th century. Very interesting indeed. Not to mention two of the villager victims that are doing it (action is very frequent in this movie) are actually played by porn stars (I did my homework). Well most of the people in this movie are in some way connected to the porn industry. That just adds to the acting quality.

The tv crew! Attention, every female will at some point be topless. Nothing interesting with Mel but as I already said, Tony rules. Can't act, makes stupid faces, just superb plus he later gets a toy shotgun. Another pure winner is Steve the camera man with his adorable porn face and hideous hair cut. Got to love the guy. Also has the ability to make lame jokes. Now to the other two experimental women in the crew. Christy has some extra meat but nevertheless she succeeds in being the only one here that participates in two lesbian action scenes. Once with Leslie - thin, stupid and also bangs Steve (after a heart breaking love dialogue), and the second time when Elizabeth catches her off guard and provides some kinky games (patch over the eyes). Only woman not showing her goods is the psychic. Most we see are a pack of erect nipples. SPOILER WARNING!!! She's actually the ghost of Wald's wife. And she deals with everything here including Liz and the werewolf. What werewolf now? The answer lies in Elizabeth's hypnotic necklace (which for some unexplained reason also brings her demise when taken off) that makes Richard remove the silver cross from Wald's body. Thus the resurrection of the walking fur ball. Must mention the sudden badly made metal music that plays once Wald makes the first bite. Doesn't fit in any sense imaginable. The final confrontation between mr. hair and his ghost wife is filmed with such emotional passion that I soiled my pants yet again. You thought DiCaprio's death in Titanic was a tragedy? Well think again.

The ending itself is a wild twist. From just a scratch made by Wald, Leslie turns into a vampire and bites Tony. That's the ending. Interesting, before that, only Christy dies from the crew. Forgot to mention Elizabeth works as a maid in the house. Why? Because she was cursed when Wald killed his own wife off course! Logical premise in it's best form. Too bad we don't see Lucifer anymore in the movie but the werewolf costume makes up for it.

So if you want some mindless topless lesbian scenes and occasionally a glimpse of a very goofy werewolf do yourself a favor and watch this movie.