Witches of the Caribbean Review

This one sucks on so many levels it's hard to describe. The story surrounds a bunch of teenagers having group therapy on a Caribbean island. They all have the same dream of a witch being burned alive by some guys in hoods. Now why did I even give it a decent viewing through the toilet perspective? There are three reasons.

First the main guy from the dream. I haven't seen such a stupid expression for a long time. Then the first killing. This scene is remarkably stupid and in my opinion the only interesting scene in the movie. With sounds of heartbeat in the background we see a guy in underwear walking around dark places for a few minutes and then getting his heart pulled out. You can even see blood coming from other directions. Great stuff. Finally the last factor. A monumental movie montage of flashbacks featuring scenes from the whole movie up to that point and a group of badly dressed youngsters walking on the beach accompanied by very disgusting rave-pop-techno music. It lasts 2 minutes. Astounding. I think the dream flashbacks appear at least 100 times during the film, but this scene tops it off. If you're in need of completely useless flashbacks go see this movie. I was amazed.

After watching it the second time with a can in case I get an urge to vomit, a deep realization of how bad were the story and ending came to mind. "Your love is pure, you can save Angela," says the female doctor to the good guy. You can not imagine the tone of her voice saying that line. Shocking. Just like when at the ending we see Angela getting green eyes. Hope they make a sequel.

I really tried to find this entertaining but nope it just plain blows some major gas. The killings are notoriously forgettable with blood spurting all over the victim without known reason. I know we all love to see good amounts of blood in movies but believe me it's hardly satisfying here. Just remembered one good scene when Angela is drinking Tequila. Oh the face, oh my god.

The effects are what's to be expected in cheap video production so I won't venture there. Music? Where's the vomit can... Hmmm what about the therapy sessions? I actually liked their stupidity. The dialogues are a league of their own especially during the therapy. Cutter is definitely the best character there. A steroid mass without a brain. Got my hopes high for nothing when I thought there would be more dialogue with him. Damn.

I have no more energy to write about this piece of garbage any more. It's bad but not fun. Don't watch this unless for some masochistic reason like I did. 2 times people. Maybe I should go for some Caribbean therapy.